like sunlight through the haze
by imperfectandchaotic
Summary: There are too many thoughts at once. The first is, 'this cannot be happening.' The fifth is, 'you should have seen this coming.' The last is, 'is this what she felt like when I was gone' [aka Cameron and Kirsten and immediate finale emotions]


**Author's Note:** so I spiraled and it only took me a week to finish both seasons.

it's all tumblr's fault really. stupid show parallels with one of my all-time favourite story tropes.

here have all of my immediate s2 finale emotions at once. also I saved a cameron url I'm so happy? god knows I'll never actually change mine but I might?

* * *

There are too many thoughts at once.

The first is, _this cannot be happening._

The fifth is, _you should have seen this coming._

The last is, _is this what she felt like when I was gone?_

Even though the water of the Fish Tank is always warm, Kirsten's hand is cool.

Cameron is afraid to read into what that might mean.

"I will never leave you."

Warring for his attention are Blair and his goons locked up in interrogation, the weight of Linus, Fischer, Camille and the team just staring, the knowledge that Kirsten's father has been using _him_ to pull her away—

and the kiss.

That's the one he has the most trouble facing.

But Cameron can't be swallowed by his own feelings right now.

Kirsten isn't speaking. He crowds her fingers even closer to his, bowing closer to the edge of the glass.

"Stretch?" Cameron wishes he was stronger than a nickname, wishes the sound of her true self didn't feel unsafe in his mouth, but _you, as I remember you when we were in the hospital as kids,_ isn't exactly a revelation that one gets over quickly. "You still with me?"

"Yeah," Kirsten says, and he can breathe again. "I'm still here. I don't—" She's crying; he can hear it in her voice and his chest aches. "I don't want to go, Cameron."

"I know," Cameron says, even though try as he might, he doesn't know. "I know you're scared, Kirsten. But we're going to find your mom, out here. We can, all of us together. It's going to be okay."

"How can you possibly know that?"

"Because—" He is a selfish fool in love and sometimes he hates himself for it. "Because here with you feels like home." Cameron doesn't want to think about the warm press of her lips, the soft silk of her hair, the hitch of her breath in his mouth, but even just before it happened, something in him just knew: Kirsten is everything.

"I don't know if I can do this." She sounds smaller and more afraid than Cameron has ever heard; it pains him so badly he can barely speak.

"I know you can, okay? You can do anything. And I'll be right here, but I—" Desperation is beginning to choke him. He's sure he's just rambling now but he doesn't care. "I _need_ you, Kirsten. I can't do this alone. We can't do this without you."

He is a man of science, but Cameron presses his mouth to her damp knuckles like he could kiss a prayer there. "Please come back. Just come back to me, and we'll figure all of this out. Together."

The silence that follows is the longest in his second life.

"Promise you won't leave me?" His entire body sags with relief; Cameron lifts one arm to gesture wildly without looking away from Kirsten's face, and the thundering smack of Camille's heeled boots echoes across the lab floor.

"I promise," he swears, wishing there were more words to convince her of this feeling in his chest. "I'm right here, Kirsten, okay? I'm not going anywhere."

He looks and Camille is ready, nodding past the tears in her eyes.

Cameron has to swallow past a knot in his throat.

"Make the bounce."

He remembers to let go at the last second; her fingers are typing _iheartlinus_ and they are never changing that bounce code, ever.

—

It takes half a second longer than it usually does for Kirsten to come back.

In that half second, Cameron makes a dozen promises to whoever is listening that he will never lose her like this again.

Her eyes open, and as he watches, she recognizes Stitch Labs light and is disappointed. He tries not to hang onto this painful twist in his chest.

"Kirsten?"

She turns her head, but Cameron is sure that for a moment, she doesn't really _see_ him.

"Cameron..." He has never been more glad to hear the sound of his own name. There's that waver in her voice again. "I saw my mom."

And then Kirsten's face is crumpling and Cameron is lurching forward to half pull her from the Fish Tank and into him; every part of her is shaking (or is that him?) and the dampness of her hair between his fingers and the suit and her tears against her neck is soaking into him, but Cameron almost relishes in the feeling.

 _She's back. She's here. She came back._

"I'm sorry," he says, not even sure what he's apologizing for, but her grief is crashing down over them and Cameron does everything he can to keep them ashore. "I'm so sorry." Kirsten pulls back and he's slammed so hard into the memory of his couch only an evening ago that it's hard to breathe, suddenly. Cameron holds her face in his hands, thumbing at her tears. "We'll find her, I swear to you we will."

Kirsten is nodding, which causes a stronger certainty to rise within him. It doesn't stop him from leaning up and pressing his lips to her forehead and thinking, _thank you thank you thank you._

He has the distinct feeling of falling; there is no going back from today.

Cameron thinks of Nina and guilt gnaws in the pit of his stomach.

"Guys?"

Camille's hand is soft and sure on his back. He and Kirsten turn and there is compassion and fear both in her eyes. Cameron's mind snaps him back.

There is so much to be done.

"You better get dressed," he tells Kirsten. "There's something you should know."

Something in him thinks she might already know what he's about to tell her.

—

It's hard to tell what to give top priority – Blair and his men, the fact that Daniel Stinger is the owner of the fifth quantum computer, or that it was Kirsten's father, the man she'd been chasing for so long, that had been stealing Cameron's face and his voice for something that none of them yet understand.

That last one causes Kirsten to falter the most, latching onto Cameron's hand in a fierce grip that he's only too happy to return.

"So..." Fischer says after they've all been silent a beat, digesting the truth of their circumstances, "What now?"

Maggie has disappeared into her office, but before anyone can move to call her out, Linus' phone rings. He takes one look at the caller before throwing himself towards the elevator, leaving Camille to shout after him. She's halfway down the hall to follow when Fischer grabs her arm, only hanging on tighter, reaching out to hold onto her shoulders when she tries to wrench herself free. Cameron is too far away to hear the words, can only see the anguish in Camille's expression.

But then Fischer holds out his holster and his gun, and suddenly Cameron understands.

Fischer reaches with his free hand to hold her face, catching her eye when Camille tries to shake her head, and holding it. Camille's eyes are still bright with unshed tears but there is resolve there now, too.

She takes the gun.

And then she and Linus are gone.

—

When Cameron turns around Kirsten is sinking into a conference room chair, looking weary. He crosses to sit beside her, using her weight to anchor himself and dragging himself as close as the chairs will allow. He goes to reach for her hand, but is surprised when Kirsten simply leans into his shoulder with a faint sigh. Cameron snakes an arm around her back. They sit like that in a silence that is heavy and charged with so many questions, many of which Cameron is afraid to voice aloud.

"What are we supposed to do now?" Kirsten asks, her breath soft and cool against his neck. It takes everything in him not to shiver.

"Whatever we need to do," he says. She looks at him then and a voice he hasn't heard in a long time chants, _kiss her kiss her kiss her._

But he doesn't.

"Together."

* * *

 **More Notes:** This show guys honestly I can't. I need this fandom to be way bigger. I need this show to be renewed! I NEED EMOTIONAL RESOLUTION FOR ALL OF MY SHIPS.

God Camille is the new Caroline I ship her with everyone?

LINUS' DAD BETTER FUCKING LIVE.

And Cameron looking at Kirsten makes me want to die. It's fine.

Reviews are always loved.

Annie


End file.
